IT'S HARDLY A HAMPER, PAUL

Every year, Paul sends a Fortnum & Mason hamper to his old chum, known as the fifth Beatle, but, alas, when it arrives chez Martin, it is less than complete, having had all its meat and fish products removed.

“Those delicious pâtés, the smoked salmon, the turkey, the hams – all gone. Nothing much there, apart from the cranberry sauce and a few biscuits,” sighs a somewhat disappointed George.

“But that’s Paul. He’s a militant vegetarian.”

Memo to Macca: Surely Fortnum & Mason would make you up a special, all-vegetarian hamper if you asked nicely?