Tasteless (if you're lucky), the consistency of shaving soap, and the colour of yogurt that has seen better days, a lava flow of mayonnaise has swept all before it. Though preferable to salad cream with its diesel aftertaste, I don't know
why mayonnaise has supplanted butter as bread's best friend.

The last straw was the hasty purchase of a supermarket ham sandwich to discover that instead of sinus-clearing English mustard it had been lathered in mayonnaise.

The good Earl of Sandwich would not have been amused.