I’ve said that I thought there was no harm in letting a child, say 10 or 12, have a sip of wine – I mean a thimbleful – at Sunday dinner to introduce them to alcohol in a responsible, parent-supervised setting.

I thought this would help the child see that having the odd drink is no big deal and that the experience would put them off from becoming a drunken, lager-swilling lout when they got older.

Well, according to a new report by the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, me and fellow laissez-faire parents could be doing more harm than good.

Research by the NIAAA found that drinking alcohol before the age of 15 increased a child’s risk of becoming a heavy drinker as a teenager’s brain becomes programmed to link alcohol with pleasure.

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“You know they are leaving this weekend,” she said. “Didn’t they tell you?”

As I have a fairly normal relationship with my London neighbours, I had no clue they were upping sticks as I only speak to them about twice a year.

However, despite our lack of contact, I rather liked them. He was a respectable, seemingly successful, middle-aged bloke and she an attractive, much younger woman - the kind you’d leave your first wife for (although, despite my suspicions, I cannot confirm that this was the case).

Once, after we had taken in a number of deliveries for them soon after they had moved in, they presented us with a bottle of wine. But more importantly, they were barely ever home, never made any noise and rarely bothered me. Who could ask for more?

“Yes, we’re heading to Highbury,” my male neighbour (think it was Phil) confirmed this Sunday, as a truck pulled up in front of our East London terrace.

“Oh, better class of neighbourhood,” Mummy joked.

“Better class of neig

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She’d have had a hell of a job on her hands…

Anyhow, it seems my little rant last week at the hell than can be houseguests caused more than a twinge of guilt in my current visitors, who were alerted to my musings by shocked friends and family.

“You’re not really welcome there,” they warned. “Maybe you should leave and get a hotel. It’ll be for the best.”

Needless to say, this incident caused considerable embarrassment to Mummy (“How could you write such a thing?” she asked, while thumping me with her fists), so she forced me to clear the air and set them straight.

“Oh don’t be silly. You are more than welcome to stay,” I told our guests, as I explained that sometimes the act of writing helps me to blow off a little steam and that they shouldn’t take my words so seriously or personally.

“Yes, eat my food, drink the house dry, commandeer my television and do copious loads of

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Mummy and I have played host to guests for nearly 10 of the 17 months since Golden Boy’s birth and, really, I’ve had enough.

I figure if I never have another house guest for the rest of my life, I’ll still have had endured more than my fair share.

Now, with family and friends in New Zealand, Canada, the US and elsewhere, I suppose it is unreasonable to expect them to fork out for a hotel or B&B if they make the long journey to see us - especially when I’d expect them to put me up if I pitched up at their abode, suitcase in hand.

Still, the string of guests we’ve had has at times added to the strain of coping with a newborn.

It’s also been relentless, seeing off one set of grandparents while another arrives and being double-booked over one week with a mate dossing on the sofa while Mummy’s niece slept in the spare bedroom upstairs.

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Being the good, right-on parents Mummy and I try to be, we wanted to get something that was somewhat ‘educational’ and without all the flashing lights and beeping noises that would drive us mad within moments of the toy being in the house.

Then Mummy had a moment of inspiration: “Why don’t we get him some Lego?”

Lego was my favourite toy as a child, so I agreed that we should get some and handed Mummy my credit card without hesitation.

At 17-months-old, Golden Boy is close enough to the recommended age for Lego’s Duplo blocks, which are too big for him to stuff in his mouth and choke on, so we bought a big tub of them.

Lego is good for teaching children about shapes and colours and helps them to use their imagination, Mummy thought, all the while being fun to play with.

What she didn’t realise is that it would be me who would b

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